SEEKING HAPPINESS WITHIN

To be able to find happiness and inner peace in all kinds of situations in life is every human beings endeavor. Some of us are born with traits that make the above possible while others like I have to strive to find the silver lining that is called permanent bliss.

My life has changed completely ever since I have been learning to find happiness within myself. Seeking happiness in the company of friends, doing some crazy shopping, seeing masala movies of bollywood or simply spending an intimate evening with my husband meant happiness to me.Soon I realized it was all so fleetingly vanishing and temporary and something or someone would trigger off clouds of sadness or worry over me. Being an emotional and sentimental fool tears would be ready to pour on a comment here or some news there! With my husband forever busy, a deteriorating health problem and a growing daughter demanding attention, life seemed a frenzy of dissatisfaction as no amount of temporary joys or frills would make me forever happy!

While my husband fulfilled his duties towards the nation via postings and temporary duties loneliness would engulf me leading to boredom, frustration, declining health, obesity and finally depression. Seeing negative in other people’s actions and situations, hating myself and my surroundings was all life seemed to consist of. And then I tried my fathers advice which he had been giving since eons of time—to pray to the almighty and seek happiness and life’s answers in our sacred books and sciptures.Always such parental advice we tend to ignore thinking youth is the time to party, have fun, enjoy life and old age one can devote to god. Little do we realize that in old age we have lost the youth, the vigour, the companionship of dear ones and health problems take over—why not do it now?

So I pleaded to god to show me some remedy to find permanent happiness without depending on someone’s company or running helter skelter for it. And behold—it seems god opened some doors for me—the saying—WHEN HE CLOSES SOME DOORS HE OPENS A WINDOW---seemed so appropriate! Indian scriptures confirm that when we knock on his door in dire need he does arrange for some guide who will show us the way to his door! God is just sitting on the door waiting to be called and seeked—it is only us who don’t seem to find time to turn to him who has gifted us this precious life. To many of us God seems a figure up in the sky or in temples that we run to in times of illness, or distress or to pass an exam or perhaps maybe thank once in a while. Looking back I realize how foolish I was and have wasted my life in frivolous activities when I should have seeked him earlier—but then like the masters say—WHEN THE FRUIT IS RIPE IT WILL FALL—maybe I was not ready to be imparted with the knowledge of the divine. Maybe god was waiting for me to put aside books like Sidney Sheldon and feel the urge to pick up Swami Vivekananda instead—everything has a time for it.- Scriptures say when you are ready to taste the nectar of the divine someone is sent in your life to pour the same within your system—someone who has experienced god in its purest form and is beyond any emotions, sadness, anger, ego, fame etc.Someone was sent to me as well to relieve me off my distress and show me how to reach the moon. It was my neighbor Col Hari Easwaran of 104 engr regt presently posted at Nagpur who has taught me how to find my own happiness within myself. It wouldn’t be wrong to confess that before he showed me some light this man was just another army officer for me who according to gossip was non fearing and very weird in his conversations. But over the time when the desire arose in me to seek answers of life and death, he patiently answered my queries with his knowledge being unsurmountable.Soon I ignored the grapevine and seeked the way to find my own happiness at his door. He told me he can show me the moon but I have to find it myself as its every ones own struggle .Seeing this officer always smiling undaunted by the worlds cruel remarks, seeing him like fire which cannot be touched without being burnt evoked within me a desire to be at the same blissful level and then the quest began.Col hari taught me to meditate daily by sitting in solitude for at least 10 minutes, watching the thoughts that come to mind and saying OM.He guaranteed it would give me peace but a part of me still felt the man was crazy.But today any opportunity to be in his divine presence,I hate to miss. I have actually felt peace of mind and satisfaction by meditation. Being a sensitive pamapered child since childhood, friends company and later the need for my husband constantly has reduced. If he is there it is bonus but if not am very happy alone. To be able to live happily alone without emotional tears and a yearning for any kind of company is an achievement I attribute to Col hari who has only given but never demanded anything in return.

It has been meditation alone that has increased my tolerance power over trying times and people. Reading spiritual books have at least evoked a desire within me to try to implement the preaching even if I do fail often. Slowly transcending various desires ,being non judgemental,seeing positive in others, accepting and surrendering to life as it comes is my constant effort though I must confess temptations do make me falter often and one does sway from the path!

Life is too short and one must enjoy each moment. Letting god take care of life’s designs and the course it takes is so much easirer.But it is a razors edge and is easily advised than implemeneted.But after experiencing the contentment I feel being alone and seeing goodness in the world, nothing would turn me back as this path is so magnetic that it draws you to it constantly.

Loneliness stays away from me now—I am alone but not lonely. My husband is busy in his career, soon my daughter will fly off to make her own life and reach her dreams—whom shall I turn to then when youth too leaves and wrinkles step in? So seeking the divine now maybe a berserk idea in the eyes of the world but if it gives you happiness now why not find it—who knows kal ho na ho?

With god walking beside me, my gurujis kicks to improve me , my husbands non interference on my path, I have managed to achieve at least a quarter of happiness that am seeking. I have a long way to go as emotions still affect me and so do situations but am on the way.

The essence of all that I have gathered is that one fine day everyone we are attached to has to leave and go—whether elsewhere or towards death—so why not anchor yourself in god now who is with us constantly and find permanent happiness within ourselves. Do not wait to turn grey to turn to Gods door—like my guruji says—make the grape into wine before it’s too late.

Meditation is the key to inner happiness and contentment—it is something I am experiencing and still have a long way to go—why don’t you join me in finding bliss and make this world a happier place. Just shut your eyes and meditate, trust the divine and enjoy! You will soon walk on air and breathe free.